Happy First Birthday, Tado

I admit – I am a sappy, nostalgic person who loves a trip down memory lane.  I can get lost (on my own!) remembering back on things. I get almost giddy thinking back that “ooh… one year ago, right now Gage and Cooper were sleeping over at Mimi’s just like they are right now!  And I was freaking out about being in premature labor!”  I’m sort of a dork that way.  I’ll fog over as I think about the details of events, big and small, in my life.  Trips, graduation, Matt’s proposal, my wedding, gatherings with friends.  The births of my children.  I think that is why me and photography go hand-in-hand along our merry way because seeing the photos from those events brings the memories flooding back. 

  So, I assure you that by remembering back on Kaden’s birth, ONE year ago today, I am not getting hung-up in the past and his dramatic little entrance into the world.  I don’t define him by it.  I’m just reminiscing, fondly on the memory.  I no longer feel saddened or quite as ‘jipped’ by the experience (I really wanted to savor my final pregnancy and labor).  And it certainly isn’t on his mind, ever.  I just like to remember.  His beginning, the generosity and love that flowed from our friends and family, and the lessons of patience and trust that the Lord granted me through the experience. 

Here are some photos of his beginning…     

(I think this is the only picture that shocks me into remembering how bitty he was…)

    

And here are some of him now…

hehehe…

Yes, clearly he’s moved on from his time in the NICU.  :)  He’s a goofy, happy, energetic kiddo on the verge of toddlerhood and there’s no looking back for him.  We love our little KadeyKade.

Happy Birthday, Tado.  Here’s to where you’ve been and where you’re going.

I Often Can’t Help But Think

… about Kaden’s itty-bitty pod-mates in Doernbecher’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at OHSU.  We’re closely nearing the one-year-anniversary of our little boy’s birth, and with that, the anniversary of his time spent in the NICU.

If you don’t know already, Kaden was born at 34 weeks and without the ability to efficiently breathe or eat on his own.  It is impossible not to reflect on how far he’s come since those first 3 weeks and to find such joy in his progress. 

Yet I can’t let go over wondering about the babies he shared his pod with.  At OHSU, there are over 20 ‘pods’ in the NICU – sectioned off areas in the ward that contain between 4 and 6 babies, depending on the equipment and care they need.  Each pod would have its own nurse, pediatrician and so on.  Everyday when I’d arrive, I would walk from the hand washing area, past 5 other pods and often saw the same parents standing over their child’s incubators or holding their baby or visiting with doctors.  Most often though, I’d just see the babies.  On their own resting in their designated beds.  Nobody there with them except the nurses working to maintain their unstable little life.  

       

During Kaden’s 18 day stay, he remained in the same pod and was cared for by only a handful of nurses.  He was in a pod with other babies that necessitated minimal care and he held the role of “the quiet one”.  Several other babies came through Pod 6 during his time, but many of them were there long enough for me to become emotionally attached to their story.

The 2-pounder who was born to teen-aged parents, at 32-weeks... who had the darkest head of hair I’ve ever seen and who’s foot was the width of my pinky.

The almost term little-guy, born to an meth-addicted mom, who visited him once before escaping the hospital and never coming back.  A week or so later, I was there when a foster parent, bless her heart, came to take the baby away. 

The little girl, McKenna, who was born with her insides on the outside and who had, at 6 weeks, had already underwent 4 surgeries.  I comforted her often, because she cried… a lot.  Because she couldn’t eat anything.  She was scheduled for several more surgeries and I was there when her teenaged parents were told that the doctors believed she had some sort of nerve damage as well, preventing her from being able to open her left hand.

The 33-week boy… the 6th child to a woman who could have passed for my age, yet had children in their teens.  She couldn’t speak English and had a difficult time understanding why she couldn’t take her boy out of the incubator to hold him and why he may have to be there for another 4-weeks.  Her 10 year-old daughter translated as best she could. But struggled to deliver the information and the questions.    

And Asher.  The twin born at 32-weeks on Christmas Day, from an emergency c-section after the doctors discovered that the other twin had died.  I had to choke back tears while Asher’s mom and dad told me the story while we washed our hands together one morning.  They were so calm and matter-of-fact and clearly just thankful for the son they did have.  

And the little girl, born term during an emergency c-section because her momma was in a car-accident and brought into the ER.  I remember crying a lot over that story.  I asked for the privacy walls to be put around me and Kaden, and I just cried.  Thank the Lord, the baby’s momma ended up surviving her injuries and was united with her newborn the following day. 

I think about those little ones all the time and of course more now, knowing that they are all coming up on their first birthdays, too.  Are they laughing and playing and thriving as Kaden is?  Do they have complications?  I wonder, and I’ll never know.  Which is strange because in the pod, every time I’d hear one of their heart or oxygen alarms going off (as a warning that their rates were dipping to low or spiking too high) I’d panic as if they were my own. I’d stand and wait while the nurse would check the baby and jostle them back to breathing or watch as their heart would pick up the pace… and then look at me and smile, and assure me they were okay.

I was emotionally attached and oh. How I pray they are now thriving.    

I’ve thanked the Lord for the past 363 days that my baby is. 

SO Big

 I was really hoping on sharing photos today from our time this weekend with my family in Seattle but much to my annoyance, my computer is too full of stuff and loading the photos onto my hard-drive is not going to happen.  At least not until I either A) transfer 200 GB off of my C Drive or B) install more RAM.  Whatever and however I do that, I don’t know.  So, in few hours when the 10,000 or so items have transferred from my C Drive to my external hard drive, and I delete them, I’m crossing my fingers that I can load the 400 photos from my memory card onto my system to work with.  Ah…  too much information for you, I’m sure. 

Anywho… here are some photos I’m happy to share in the mean-time! 

Growing up, whenever we’d have something kind of stuck in our throats, causing us to cough, my mom would encourage us to do ‘SO Big!’ which meant, lifting up our arms into the air.  I have no clue if it actually helps in the choking situation, but it turns out to be a pretty cute thing to teach an almost-one-year-old to do…

  “Kaden is SOOOOO Big…”  gets this reaction out of him…   Clearly, judging by the 50 or so images I took of him doing this the other day at breakfast (hence the unfortunately placed banana peel in the foreground of the frame) I got quite a kick out of this new game.

  As did he. 

  And Gage, who was the one shouting the phrase at Kaden over and over, simultaneously throwing his arms up into the air as well, enjoyed it a lot, too.  

  Gosh, I love this age. 

My Bebe Loves Bacon…

It should come as no surprise that Kaden should love bacon.  His daddy would put it on his ice cream if the sight of it didn’t make me gag (of bacon on ice cream – not bacon in general).  

  But, bacon’s not the point of this post, so much as the fact that my bebe can now eat bacon.  He’s at that age already.

Lord knows his teeth are sharp enough to dig through the meat…

… but, really?  He’s old enough already? I honestly love that he is.  I don’t feel sad when I think “where did my baby go?”  I love that we could go out to Red Robin for dinner and he could eat the mandrin oranges and pieces of Cooper’s chicken strips, and the crust from Gage’s pizza.  I LOVE not having to bring him ‘baby’ food for dinner!

But still.  I can’t believe how the time has flown by with this boy.   

I feel like I could spend the next 9 days baffling at the fact that Kaden is almost ONE.  Ha!  Maybe I will… it will be a week of Kaden.  Shouldn’t be too hard.

Now, I want some bacon.   

He’s Seriously, On the Move…

Like I’ve mentioned before, Kaden loves the stairs.  But now, when he’s not climbing up them and sliding back down on his tummy… (still thinking he’s SO silly for acting out this game)…

He’s doing this. 

Walkin’ and walkin’ behind his Tonka truck. 

He thinks this is pretty great, too. 

And the buttons on the steering wheel are fun as well. 

But nothin’ beats being on the go. 

Sheesh, I LOVE this age! LOVE. Love. love.

Making the Most of Dark Days…

… by learning to use my Speedlite!  What could I possibly do to be more productive with my time during these long (short?) winter days than figure out how to use this under-utilized piece of equipment?  While high ISOs and too shallow a depth of field and grainy photos could get me down, I’m choosing to put this gem to use and to LEARN all it has to offer.  And how to properly use it. 

Not surprisingly, Kaden was a good subject for me to practice on.  These were taken at about 6pm, in his room which (as you see) has dark sage walls and one overhead light.  Without my Speedlite, I wouldn’t even have attempted to take photos because undoubtedly, I would have turned up disappointed in their clarity.  Not so with the Speedlite… it was fun to be able to capture this little guy having his quiet time (away from his crazy overbearing big brothers) without frustration over the lack of good lighting.  

Because I MADE good lighting, by bouncing the light off of the wall.  Which, admittedly gave Kaden a bit of a greenish tint, which I quickly tried to take care of in post processing.  But, non-the-less, illuminated him nicely! 

… and as I worked to master my flash, he worked to master his Drop and Roar Dinosaur. 

Then we moved to the hall, which was tricky because I didn’t have a good wall or ceiling to bounce the flash off of.  So I had to bump the flash output way up just to create enough light to properly expose the photo.  Its getting easier – I don’t know why I was ever intimidated by this thing!

Thus, I was able to capture Kaden in action with one of his current favorite games.  Its called “Remove All of the Books from the Bookshelf” and I think his brothers clued him in that they REALLY enjoyed this game when they were babies, too.  

This book is his favorite.  The game usually takes a breather when he removes it from the shelf.  He touches the cover (which feels funny) and then flips through the pages. 

I think its a good one for him to read as he gets older.  I fear it holds information that may come in handy for this littlest brother. 

Anyhow – I love natural light – what photographer doesn’t?  But during these dark, dark winter nights (and days, who’m I kidding?) my Speedlite may light up my life and will surely be the necessary fuel for my on-going passion of capturing moments.

I Have a Picky Eater on My Hands.

Kaden used to eat anything put in front of him.  Now, he’s so picky.  At what age do they all of the sudden have preferences?  I certainly didn’t think it would be 10 months. It should have been an indicator to me, that I had a headstrong boy on my hands, when he completely wrote off nursing on my left side at 6 months. 

And now, this boy will take one bite of something and if its a no-go he’ll make a face.  If I try again, maybe it’ll get into his mouth, but is soon pushed back out by his deciphering tongue.  He does this will all of his past favorite veggies including squash!  What baby doesn’t like squash??  He refuses to eat pre-made baby food dinners (like, chicken, veggie and rice). 

So, that leaves me with very few options, I fear. I try a lot of things at mealtime (I don’t immediately give in to his pickiness) and we end up with lots on the floor, lots on the high-chair between his legs, some on the wall and often times, some on me.  Very little in his tummy.   

Except for crunchie things.  That’s what he’s into.  Like, these.  Aptly named, “Lil’ Crunchies”.

Who wouldn’t like these?  They taste like pizza flavored Cheetos!  Kaden will refuse other foods at meal time, over and over, but then I put these on his tray – handfuls go into his mouth.  Same with MumMums, Puffs, and ArrowRoot Cookies.  And toast.  He loves toast!  I’m hesitant to put what other things he loves… but rest-assured, at least he’ll eat pears and bananas.  So its not all hot dogs and chicken nuggets junk food.

**ETA: Gage is doing much better.  His doctor prescribed a steroid for him to take for 5 days, which is meant to relax his airway.  Apparently it tastes horrible and I have to plug his nose and poor it down his throat.  Which he quickly chases with water and then his gummy vitamins.  His fever is gone … and I learnt that his doctor doesn’t consider it a ‘fever’ unless his temp is above 100.3!  Anyway, little man lost 5 pounds in 5 days and I’m praying his re-gained appetite soon rectifies that.  Thanks, again, for keeping him in your prayers!   

Speechless…

I was trying to figure out what to post today, and because I’ve been occupying all my spare time processing photos from recent sessions, I’ve neglected even taking photos of my own kids.  So, I dug through my ‘saved for blog’ pics and came across this one.  I couldn’t believe I hadn’t shared it yet, then I remembered why… 

It just kind of leaves me speechless! 

I Guess It Is Time…

… to put up the baby-gate.  And to thank the Lord for protecting my baby as he made his way, HALF way up the stairs, before I even knew it.  This was a first today, and WAY to early in my opinion.  But I guess that’s Kaden for ya… he likes to do things earlier than “planned”…    And here’s to some brotherly encouragement…

(Cooper wasn’t okay with Kaden stopping to take a rest… ) 

This boy made it almost all the way to the top, but got distracted by a nail-head that is trying to poke through the wall about 3/4 of the way up… anyway, yes… time for the baby-gates and for me to “get with the program” (as G&C like to say) and always know where Kaden is at all times. What a thought.